


Hold on

by BuffyImpala20



Series: Hold on [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Charachter Death, F/M, Fluff, Implied Smut, Implied smut in chapter 2, Nosebleed, Protective Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester Fluff, Swearing, not slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2018-12-01 20:03:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11493756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuffyImpala20/pseuds/BuffyImpala20
Summary: - “Shut up.”In a split second Sam puts his fingers through my hair and pulls, my neck is totally exposed and he starts kissing it making his way up to my lips. I feel my chest exploding as he finally reaches my mouth. We kiss. It’s not sweet or delicate. It’s deep, desperate, eager.He parts from me, looks me in the eye and I could swear my heart skips a beat.- “They’re nothing. They don’t exist. I want you, I’ve always had. This is what you do to me.” He pulls me closer and I feel his arousal pressing against my body. I shiver with anticipation. We start kissing again while walking towards the bedroom.





	1. Chapter 1

We are having breakfast at a cheap diner across our motel. It’s really hot today and the AC obviously isn’t working in here. Beads of sweat are already forming on Sam’s forehead.   
As I place my backpack on the seat next to me, I notice a magazine on the floor, so I pick it up and put it on the table without giving it much thought. Sam goes through the pages and starts skimming a “Most haunted places in the USA” article. We know those are mostly bullshit, but every once in a while we still check them out if we come across them, just to be sure.  
I look around even if nothing’s wrong with the place, I think by now it’s just a hunter’s habit that will never go away.  
Something catches Sam’s attention: - “So, get this. In West Virginia there’s a small town called Summersville. Here it says that since 1953, eighteen women ended their lives at the same hotel. They all killed themselves by slitting their wrists and they all did in it in the same room.”  
\- “I admit it’s strange that these women all chose the same method and room to commit suicide, but… I don’t think it’s a case for us.”  
He lowers his eyes on the article, looking for a line he has already read: - “No blade was ever found next to the victims”.  
\- “Why would they talk about suicides? The killer just didn’t leave the murder weapon behind.”  
Sam gives me his best smug smile: - “Well, they were found in the room’s bathroom and its door was locked from the inside.”  
I can tell he’s so proud of himself now. I kinda hate this “I’m always right, don’t even question me” attitude of him.  
\- “I guess we have a case, then.”  
\- “Finally you see it too!”  
\- “I hate when you do that, just give me all the info right away!”  
\- “Just trying to build the suspense.”  
\- “Yes, I’m still sleepy and I’m starving. You playing games it’s just what I want at 6 a.m.!”  
\- “Sorry…” He looked sincere and I immediately felt guilty for snapping at him.  
\- “No, I’m sorry, I’m just tired and really hungry. Where the hell is the waiter, waitress or whoever?!”  
I stand up and look around. I know Sam is already preparing his apologies to whomever I’ll find at the counter.

 

I’m wearing a black tank top, the leather seat feels nice on my skin. Sam’s driving and he’s focused on the road; I look at all the scars on my arms and notice they’re more visible under the sunlight. I hate having them, but they show I survived every son of a bitch that ever tried to kill me, so I guess it’s ok… We solved hundreds of cases and saved a lot of people. I know we lost some, but we try and do our best and I hope that’s enough.

When Dean and Jo got together, Dean left Sam and me to hunt with her. Sam and I needed a new car and the morning we decided to go buy one, we found a beautiful black Charger parked in front of our motel. There was a note on the windshield: “SAM, I KNOW YOU LIKE THIS CAR. SO I TOOK IT FOR YOU.” Maybe Cass felt guilty after destroying Sam’s old Charger. The car was locked and we didn’t know how to open it without breaking one of the windows. I took the note and turned it to see if there was more on the back. - “Sam, check your pockets.”    
We’ve been riding this car for almost two years and it’s never given us any big problems. Sometimes Sam needs to fix this or that, but nothing ever required more than a couple of hours’ work. I just sit down and wait for Sam to finish. I drink a beer and watch him concentrate on what he needs to do. Grease on his hands and face, sweat on his forehead, lips moving as he’s trying to repeat something to himself, maybe what Dean patiently taught him about the engine.    
I’m sure Sam misses his brother a lot, but we all agreed that a four hunters group was too much. We occasionally hunt with Dean and Jo if we find a case too difficult to handle, like a big vampire nest or something. I could swear Sam’s face lights up whenever Dean calls for help or we find ourselves forced to call them.  
Jo told me that at first was really hard on Dean not to be around his brother as much, mainly because he was worried something might happen to him, but he trusts me and knows I’m a good hunter, so he slowly let go of the fear.

\- “Y/N/N, wake up, I found a good restaurant! Steak?”  
\- “I slept all morning… I’m sorry. I didn’t wake up for my turn.”  
\- “It’s okay, I enjoyed the ride. You can drive after we have lunch.”  
\- “No, I meant I’m sorry that I might have been killed because of the way you drive.”  
I just want to annoy him. I know he’s an excellent driver and part of the reason I was able to sleep five hours is because I trust him behind the wheel. It wasn’t like that with Dean: I couldn’t get any sleep because he enjoyed his Impala a little too much and used to drive quite fast.

The restaurant looks really nice and I start feeling uncomfortable because I realize that with my leggings and sneakers I’m clearly underdressed.  
After we order, they bring us the biggest steaks I’ve ever seen, with fries, salads and iced water. I look at Sam as he takes a sip from his glass. A drop of water falls down to his chin, he catches it with the back of the hand and scratches the light beard.  
I keep eating, trying not to stare at Sam for too long. His muscles flex and tense with every movement. I look away.  
\- “So, we’re thinking ghost, right?”  
Sam swallows his water and nods. Before we left for Summersville we did some research to be sure there’s an actual case at this hotel and people didn’t made up the story. Young women actually were found dead in the bathroom of room 12. The last one five months ago: Laura Harris, 34 years old, married.  
\- “I think we shouldn’t go as feds, in such a small town people would get too interested in us. Maybe it’s better to book a room there and investigate. We have new false IDs and credit cards, I don’t think it’s gonna be a problem.”  
Sam thinks about what I just said: - “You’re right. Also, I don’t think it’s gonna be a problem for us to dig up the story about that place. They keep everything at the public library. There’s not much online about the cases because they started digital copies of newspapers and archives only in the 2000s. The first victim dates back to the early Fifties and all I could find is her name: Arlene Carr.”  
My nose starts hitching and Sam looks at me really worried, he quickly grabs something and stands up. He’s immediately next to me, holding a napkin to my nose and stroking my hair.  
\- “You’re bleeding again.”  
\- “Sometimes this happens to me during the summer, you know that. Don’t worry. The doctors said it’s nothing.”  
\- “Are you ok? Does your head hurts? Do you feel dizzy?”  
\- “ Yes. No. Just a little bit. It’s better already. I think it stopped.”  
\- “Let me see.” Sam carefully removes the napkin to take a look, but the blood is still running.  
\- “Stand up, we need to go to the bathroom.”  
I slowly get up, everyone is looking at me and a waitress comes to see if she can help. Sam politely asks for towels and maybe some ice.  
We enter the bathroom and Sam puts my wrist under cold water. The waitress hands us what Sam asked for. He puts the towel under my nose and starts rubbing the ice on the back of my neck. The bleeding stops after a couple of minutes.  
I look at us in the mirror, my blood is on my face and on Sam’s hands. It looks like we’ve been on a hunt. The waitress leaves and we clean ourselves up.    
My top is covered in blood and I don’t wanna go back out there wearing it: - “Can you go to the car and take a new shirt for me?”  
\- “Of course, no problem.”  
As he leaves I realize my bag is probably a mess of underwear, tampons, shirts, jeans, hair products… just there on display, not organized at all. I blush thinking about the fact that he’s gonna have to go through it to find me something to wear.  
When Sam comes back he’s holding one of his shirts: - “I didn’t want to snoop in your case, so I took something of mine. Hope it’s ok.”  
\- “Sure, thank you.”  
\- “I’ll pay the check while you change, I’ll wait at the counter.”  
\- “Ok, just give me a minute.”  
\- “Are you ok? You look a little pale”  
\- “I’m fine.” I smile.  
Oh thank goodness he didn’t go through my stuff!  
The shirt fits a little large and long, but it’s not too bad. It’s the blue one I like.

 

I can see Sam is tired, I’m driving and he’s trying to keep me company, but I can tell he’s slowly drifting away.  
\- “It’s ok, you can sleep.” I reassure him. Sam reclines his seat and soon starts snoring.  
It’s not too loud and it doesn’t bother me anymore, it’s a familiar sound and I almost like it by now.  
We need to drive two more days to get to Summersville. There’s not too much traffic and the GPS shows me where to go. Every once in a while I look at Sam and he seems to be sleeping peacefully. I know he rests better when we’re on the road, rather than in a motel during the night. I like to think it’s because he feels safe since I’m right there, awake.


	2. Chapter 2

I’ve been driving for a while and I decide to stop at a lay-by to stretch my legs. I open the car door as quietly as possible trying not to wake Sam.  
\- “Hey, where are you going?” He rubs his eyes and looks at me with a questioning expression on his face.  
\- “I need some air. I didn’t mean to wake you.”  
\- “That’s okay. My back is killing me.” Sam gets out of the car in one graceful movement. I’ve always wondered how such a big guy is capable of such fluent and quick moves.  
\- “It’s still early and we’re only a few miles away from Garth’s cabin. Do you want me to stop there? We could just keep going if you want to.”  
\- “Garth’s cabin? The nice one or the dump?”  
\- “The nice one. I checked and he told me nobody’s staying there tonight.”  
Sam looks up at the sky: - “Let’s stop there. It’s definitely going to rain and I don’t want us to get caught in a storm.”

 

When we arrive at the cabin it’s already heavily raining, we take our bags out of the car and step inside. Nothing’s changed: a TV next to a little fireplace, an old couch, dusty bookshelves, a wooden table in the kitchen. It’s not much, but it’s a lot better than any dirty motel.  
Sam brings our cases in the bedroom and starts putting new sheets on the bed, in the meanwhile I look for something to eat: - “We’re in luck! Water, beer and frozen pizza!”  
\- “Great! Finally a decent meal!” He chuckles while walking into the kitchen.  
\- “Should we go buy some food?”  
\- “If you’re not too hungry, I’m okay with what we have. Plus I’ve got these!” Sam goes through his pockets and proudly shows me my favorite candy bars.  
\- “Yes, alcohol and chocolate! I think we’re covered!”  
He smiles at me looking straight into my eyes. God, he’s gorgeous.  
\- “I’m gonna take a shower.”  
\- “Actually… can I go first? I really need it.” Sam doesn’t wait for me to answer, takes what he needs from his bag and he rushes to the bathroom.  
\- “Well, sure, go ahead…” I whisper annoyed, he can’t hear me.

 

When I step out of the bathroom I see Sam waiting for me on the couch, pizza and beer on the coffee table, the TV is on.  
\- “I baked the pizzas while you were in the shower, I imagined you were hungry.”  
\- “Yes, thanks!” I sit on the floor, we start eating while watching an old movie.  
\- “Oh my God, it’s disgusting! The pizza tastes burned and frozen at the same time! How the hell did you manage to do this?” We both burst out laughing and Sam starts unwrapping his candy bars.  
It’s one of those rare moments of peace and happiness. No monsters, no problems. Just two friends eating sweets and watching TV. I put my head on Sam’s knee and relax.  
\- “Y/N/N ?”  
\- “Yes?”  
\- “Do you ever regret meeting us? Me and Dean.” I turn my head and notice he’s already looking at me. It seems like he’s trying to catch every expression on my face as I think about my answer.  
\- “Sometimes I surprise myself picturing how my life could be, you know… Without demons and everything. I don’t have a real job… Hell, I don’t even have my own place. It’s weird that I haven’t been able to say normal stuff like “Let’s go home” in over ten years, but it’s the path I’ve chosen for myself and I do not regret a moment I spent on the road with you guys. Especially you. I love Dean, but.. You’ve always had a special place in my heart. You helped me through a lot during the first few months, you taught me everything I know about hunting and you’re patient with me.”  
\- “I don’t know if dad fully realized what he was doing when he let you come with us. I know you were scared and traumatized after what you saw, but maybe he should have left you at the police station.”  
I freeze. He doesn’t want me here? His words punched me straight in the face and I feel like I’ve been a burden to him for all this time. My face turns red.  
\- “Oh, no, no! I didn’t mean it like that! I just wanted to say that because of my dad your life changed so much… That maybe, if he hadn’t let you come with us, by know you’d have a normal lifestyle.” He leans in: - “Please, don’t ever think I don’t appreciate having you in my life. You’re the only one who supported me when I left for Stanford and the only one I could talk to about how I felt when I had to come back.”  
We’re very close to each other and I realize he’s holding my hand on his knee… Time stops. Sam’s face is all I can see: perfect hair, perfect lips, eyes wide open. I’ve always been attracted to him, how can you not? But I’ve never thought about him like I am right now. It seems like he’s waiting for something. I wanna kiss him. I’m going to kiss him.  
I can’t find the courage and the moment just passes me by.  
My mouth is dry and almost hurts. Sam gets up and goes to the bookshelves, moves things around and picks up a bottle from the highest shelf.  
\- “Scotch?” I ask.  
\- “Bourbon. But I don’t think it matters. I just need something stronger than beer.”  
\- “Yeah…”  
He pours some liquor in our glasses and we drink it in one shot.  
\- “Another.”  
We drink again and again, eat our candy bars and pass out. Sam’s on the couch and I’m on the floor, my back against his leg.

 

I wake up a couple of hours later, Sam’s watching TV. It’s the middle of the night and my head hurts because of the alcohol.  
\- “You okay?”  
\- “Yeah. Something good on TV?”  
\- “Nothing, as usual.”  
I glance at the screen and some random hot half-naked girl is dancing provocatively to “Let me blow ya mind”. I quickly get up to get some water.  
As I reach the fridge I hear Sam switching off the TV, everything is silent and I feel his eyes on me.  
\- “I saw that, you know.”  
\- “Saw what?”  
\- “That look.”  
\- “What look?”  
\- “The one you got in your eyes every time we see something like that. I know you watch “True Blood”, so I know you don’t have a problem with nudity on TV…”  
I lower my eyes on the bottle of water and pretend I don’t understand what he’s talking about.  
Sam walks into the kitchen, he’s breathing heavily and in that moment he realizes something: - “You don’t have a problem with nudity, you have a problem with ME watching that stuff!” He’s surprised and I hear him getting closer to me.  
\- “I think I’m right, but I don’t understand why…” Sam looks confused and asks me to tell him what’s wrong.  
\- “Nothing. It’s stupid and I’m tired. I’m going to sleep.” I leave the water bottle on the counter.  
\- “Com’ on…”  
\- “I’m uncomfortable when you look at them and I’m there. Make-up and tanned skin, no scars, perfect hair… I’m afraid you might compare me to them and…”  
\- “Shut up.”  
In a split second Sam puts his fingers through my hair and pulls, my neck is totally exposed and he starts kissing it making his way up to my lips. I feel my chest exploding as he finally reaches my mouth. We kiss. It’s not sweet or delicate. It’s deep, desperate, eager.  
He parts from me, looks me in the eye and I could swear my heart skips a beat.  
\- “They’re nothing. They don’t exist. I want you, I’ve always had. This is what you do to me.” He pulls me closer and I feel his arousal pressing against my body. I shiver with anticipation. We start kissing again while walking towards the bedroom.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Sammy wake up after the night you spent together.
> 
> "I still struggle to keep my eyes open, he gets out of bed completely naked and goes towards the window to close the curtains. The mild sunlight now allows me to contemplate and admire every inch of his body: it might seem banal and pathetic, but he does look like one of those Greek statues. Sam softly sits on the bed and leans back on the headboard. His bare chest is distracting and the sheet barely covers his legs. It doesn’t seem to bother him being so exposed, I certainly don’t mind."

I feel warmth on my skin and when I open my eyes the sunlight is so bright it almost hurts. I turn my head and see him right there next to me.

I stretch my arms and legs, my whole body is sore from last night. Sam’s looking at me as I enjoy this moment of blissful normality. I still struggle to keep my eyes open, he gets out of bed completely naked and goes towards the window to close the curtains. The mild sunlight now allows me to contemplate and admire every inch of his body: it might seem banal and pathetic, but he does look like one of those Greek statues. Sam softly sits on the bed and leans back on the headboard. His bare chest is distracting and the sheet barely covers his legs. It doesn’t seem to bother him being so exposed, I certainly don’t mind.

I can still hear him whispering “I want you, I’ve always had”, his voice was so loving, hot and erotic while we were making love. Last night we were the true versions of ourselves, we took off our fears with our clothes and everything was… real, for the first time. This morning is different, all the words get stuck in my heart and I can’t seem to find the courage to talk. I’m afraid I’ll say something wrong and ruin this moment, I can tell from his look that Sam feels the same. My head gets so loud and I feel anxiety starting to rise from my stomach and chest, so I just get closer to him and I immediately calm down. Sam gladly welcomes me into his arms and I suddenly become very aware of the fact that I’m naked, his body against mine.

\- “We should get out of bed, but I can’t bring myself to let you go.” I breath in deeply, his smell is intoxicating: clean, warm, familiar. A soft moan escapes my mouth and I put my leg on his, as if I was trying to pull him even closer me.

\- “I don’t wanna go either, Sam. I wish it could be like this, just like this, always.”

\- “It can be, you know…”

He smiles at me and kisses my forehead, holds me a little longer while I try to understand his words. After a few minutes he gets up and takes a towel from the chair.

\- “Come on. Shower, breakfast, then we hit the road. We got work to do.”

I watch him walk away, still completely naked. I follow him in the shower.

 

“We should get to Summersville by tomorrow night.“ Sam is driving the Charger while I’m checking if our fake IDs are in order. I put the binder away and turn the radio on.

"Do you remember when we stole the Impala to go at that Bon Jovi concert?” I chuckle.

He smiled, “Oh, God. Dad got so mad at me! Obviously he didn’t yell at you!”

“Hey, you were a bad influence on me.” I tease him, knowing very well that the breakaway had been my idea.

“I can’t believe we came back when it was almost daylight. We were what? 17?”

“I still can’t believe we were able to sneak in! We were underage, with no money and no tickets, that’s the feat I’m most proud of!” I laugh.

“I felt invincible singing ‘It’s my life’ during the concert. It was such a rush! The song, the band, the adrenaline, the fact that we weren’t supposed to be there… I wanted that moment to never end.”

“I know… That was the moment you made up your mind about Stanford.”

“I never told you that.” He looked surprised.

“There was no need to. I could see it in your eyes, I still remember that look you gave me and the way you held my hand.”

“Do you ever think about going back?” I look at him trying to anticipate his answer.

“Back at Stanford? Sometimes.” He doesn’t look bothered, but he doesn’t add anything else, so I decide to drop the subject.

“Do you know that was the first night I didn’t cry myself to sleep? Every single night since John took me in I would do that. Also, I used to have those bad nightmares about my family… But that night was different. Don’t get me wrong, the pain was still there. Hell, it still is. But that time I had so much fun with you. I understood that there was still hope for me to be happy. And I didn’t cry. That night I didn’t” I smile.

Sam kisses the back of my hand and I run my fingers through his hair.

The rest of the day went on smoothly: lunch, on the road and at last we stopped at a motel for the night. Not the fanciest accommodation, but at least we have a roof over our heads.

I loudly sit on the bed with a loud snort, push my shoes aside and try to stretch my legs and back.

“Everything hurts, I can’t stand these long days in the car.”

“Listen… I need to tell you something.” Sam sounds serious as he sits on the chair in front of me. “When we woke up today you said something. You wished that every morning were like this one. What if it could?”

“You mean…” A confused look appears on my face. Is he really trying to say what I think?

\- “Look, I’m not saying I would never hunt again. I would, if anyone needed help or if I came across something. But… I don’t know. I was watching you sleep this morning and I thought about all we’ve been through during these years and maybe we’ve done enough. We lost enough, we sacrificed enough. Let’s face it: all this life ever gave us is heartbreak and misery. I died and came back, twice… I’m tired of fighting, always being on the look out for the next thing that wants to get us. I know we had just one night, but I think I opened a door that I won’t be able to close… ”

\- “I had no idea. I’ve fantasized about leaving this life, but I’ve never actually thought of doing it. It’s too late now, I’ve seen too much. I know too much. I wouldn’t be able to fit in the real world anymore.” He looks disappointed and hurt.

\- “I’ve left before. I had to come back… Now it’s different. Dean has Jo, Castiel helps when he can. It’s not easy to move on from the life, I know, but we can help each other. I’m rushing into this, but as I said before… Something clicked this morning. I don’t want us to make a decision right away, I just wanted you to know how I feel about you. No misunderstandings, I want to be clear with you.”

\- “Oh, Sammy.” I place my hand on his cheek and run my fingers through his hair. “I can’t even begin to tell you how much you mean to me. While we where having dinner last night I told you it felt weird not having a home… I think I was wrong, last night felt so right and I realized something: you’re my home, Sam. It’s sappy and probably a romance novel line, but it’s true. You’ve always been there for me. I don’t know how it’s gonna go, if it’ll work, but I wanna try. We can try, together.“


End file.
